One sentence too many

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Remember that parental warning, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all"?

In our household, it has evolved into a different recommendation. Know when to stop talking before it results in "one sentence too many."

For example, you are having what you thought is a nondescript, average conversation with a friend or coworker. Suddenly he or she says something that you find hurtful, insensitive or inappropriate. It might not be a complicated or complete discussion, but your mind shuts down to any further interaction. In the Lev dictionary, that last sentence, even if sincerely honest and pure, is simply one sentence too many.      

This occurs so much of the time I'm never sure if it's because a confidant feels there's enough of a mutual relationship to volunteer an opinion or if there is a sense of duty and responsibility to speak. In any case, one thing is for sure: failing to know and understand your "audience" and failing to say nothing easily results in one sentence too many.

        

Conscious of this dilemma, I am trying to speak less and listen more; no longer compelled to say everything I think. I have stopped filling in the silence and interrupting others. I have been suddenly free to acknowledge the concern in someone else's voice, note the evidence in their body language, focus on caring about them. This approach has served well at life's most difficult times: funerals, hospital visits, quiet moments or places where one's presence, not idle chatter, is what really counts.

And I have come to rely on my husband's two guiding rules when it comes to "one sentence too many." First, actively avoid this phenomenon being directed at you in all circumstances. After all, If you don't tell someone about that nasty root canal or ingrown toenail until the medical procedure is over you can head off a well-meaning peer's lengthy discussion of their own horrifying, graphic experience.

And second, actively use the "one sentence too many" occurrence under the best of circumstances. Remember the listener and relay a joyous memory or offer a compliment. There are never too many sentences describing something (or someone) special or honorable. And keep in mind the funny thing about sentences. Whether they irritate or soothe, the impact is apt to linger.

A contributing writer to the Herald since 2012, Lauren Lev is an East Meadow resident and a direct marketing/advertising executive who teaches advertising and marketing communications courses at the Fashion Institute of Technology/SUNY, LIU Post and SUNY Old Westbury.