Navigating the Golden Years

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There's Dean, Nancy and two Lindas. There's Jennifer and Jeff and Beth. So many in my tiniest circle of friends and colleagues who are the baby boomers actively and agonizingly overseeing the medical, physical, social, psychological and emotional care of their elderly parents. We are all one community trying to do what is right, yet our roles and journeys are so terribly varied.

Like a personal assistant to a celebrity, I have tried to maintain relationships and a first-name basis with the assisted living care administrators and aides who are involved in my mother's daily life. I have written, recorded and filed emails about her wellbeing into designated electronic folders and placed doctor's appointments on my phone calendar even if I'm not going. Her contacts are my contacts, her medical records are sacrosanct and her frailty is my concern.

And with thanks to my mother's gregarious disposition and sharp memory I am further privy to the chef's name and food preparation preferences, the hearing deficiencies of her tablemate and her relationships with roommates, physical therapists and case managers.


And of course, I'm not alone.

I feel for the elderly person who wants to live at home, but really shouldn't. The individuals who are failing in physical and mental health and the diagnosis isn't good. The parents who are hundreds and thousands of miles from their children's watchful eyes and the parents who are around the corner but millions of miles away from their children's perspective. The knee and hip replacements that this generation has nursed and now their children — the boomers — are experiencing. The life stages from independent living to home care, assisted living and nursing care. The loss of freedom, the demands of reliance on others.

Every day there is this layer of low-level chaos on top of the typical stress. Every day is a new decision that isn't always predicated on the ones that came before. Every day is a plea that we, their sons and daughters will do the right thing. Every day is a hope that the next 24 hours will go well — with dignity and respect for all. Yet, every day we are grateful for having another day with them.

A contributing writer to the Herald since 2012, Lauren Lev is an East Meadow resident and a direct marketing/advertising executive who teaches advertising and marketing communications courses at the Fashion Institute of Technology/SUNY, LIU Post and SUNY Old Westbury.