Getting to know you

       Even before the pandemic struck, there was an emerging trend and opportunity to have family and friends express their condolences virtually. Given Covid-19 and video access, the process of viewing funeral services when we can't be there has given relief and release to those in mourning and has offered the group a communal place to remember the loved one with words, photos and videos.

       I located the "memory wall" of a colleague who passed in the last few days. Our staff was notified by email of the link that not just detailed the funeral but was available to accept written reflections and visuals. I made a deliberate effort not to read any of the other entries until I had formed my own thoughts. Unlike signing the guest book, this was a greater commitment to express, in a small but public way, what this person meant to each contributor and how this individual contributed to our lives.

       It's a big task in a small text box — expressing the essence of another and doing him the honor for the family that loved him.

       What moved me when I looked at the wall was not what I knew, but how much I didn't. I didn't know how much of a family man this colleague was, though I was witness to how his mentoring and "big kid"-ness impacted all of us professionally and personally. I kind of knew he was a DIY crafter when a present from our entire division was a cherished Home Depot gift card, but I didn't know he golfed, or goofed around with his nieces and nephews. Maybe it was mine to ask, but I never extended the conversations to get the full dimension of this man, and I know I would have been better for it.

       I am growing weary of framed phrases with "life is too short," "live for today" and "stop and smell the roses" sentiments. They aren't holding up in my world like they once did. I need to spend more time to "read" the people I care about in life before it's too late and I'm reading their memory wall in death.

A contributing writer to the Herald since 2012, Lauren Lev is an East Meadow resident and a direct marketing/advertising executive who teaches marketing fundamentals as well as advertising and marketing communications courses at the Fashion Institute of Technology and SUNY Old Westbury.